If you’re following me on the gram you know that I’ve been home for a couple of weeks. I am fortunate enough to have two places to call home outside of Paris. One is New York and the other The Bay Area. I touched down in New York for about five days and I’ve been in The Bay now for a couple of weeks. Both visits are just what the doctor ordered.
I don’t usually spend summer in the states. Longtime followers know that in summer the South of France is my playground however, after living in Paris for 10 years I recognize that my cup gets refilled when I’m home. You see when I’m home I get to spend time with the people I love the most. The people that knew me before Paris Chic Code and Hermès. Let’s be clear I’ve always been fly, but I certainly wasn’t wearing Hermès in The Bay nor New York.
My secret to a successful expat journey is returning home as often as you can. Home reminds you of who you are and where you’ve come from. Home humbles you. Home accepts you for who you are with all your faults. Home doesn’t judge and home recognizes the sacrifices that you made to get where you are.
The three most difficult things about being an expat are being far away from the people you love, not having authentic relationships in your host country vis à vis the ones back home, and maintaining your identity in your host country. Let me break these down a bit further.
The difficulty in being away from the people you love is self-explanatory right? You’re away from your family and the friends that have known you since your formative years. These are the people who know and love you through and through. They are your ride or dies. These are the people who are and will remain in your life the longest Lord willing.
These are also the people whose relationships are the most genuine because they were formed during adolescence. These relationships were formed before adulthood where we tend to be less calculating. My best friend Porshea and I met during junior high summer school. She introduced herself as Chocolate P and we’ve been rocking ever since. There was no calculation or ulterior motive involved. We were simply in the same summer school class and we became friends.
Friendships formed in adulthood are different. Friendships formed whilst being an expat is a whole nother conversation. I find that friendships formed whilst living abroad can sometimes be less authentic and predicated more on what you have and who you know. Because these friendships are superficial, they have the tendency to end prematurely because there’s no skin in the game. And when this happens you begin to question who you are.
This brings me to my third point. Who are you in your host country? As an expat you try your darndest to remain your truest self but newsflash that shit is hard as hell. Living abroad changes you. There are codes, or rules, to where you live and as hard as you try to fight them you adapt. You succumb to your host country. You learn the codes of where you live and you abide by them because it makes life easier.
When I first moved to Paris, I compared everything in France to the U.S. I just didn’t understand why France would do things a certain way. Why do businesses close for lunch? Why are the hours on a business website not respected? How in the hell is the bank closed on a Monday? And before Covid-19, why was it so damn difficult to find an ATM? Eventually you realize that comparing France to the U.S is futile. France does things her way. Unapologetically.
One finds real joy when one gets on France’s time. You go home during lunch hour for a siesta. You work from home on Mondays and suddenly Mondays stop Monday-ing. You call to verify business hours before you go. You learn that nothing is that serious.
I’m different since living in France. I’m not as intense and things don’t bother me so much. I drive in the slow lane. I don’t go along to get along, and I rest and vacate as much as possible. I’ve learned to just go with the flow and not to sweat the small stuff.
Going home is a reminder that I am still Bay Area Trice with a Parisian flair. I am reminded that I can exist comfortably in three culturally different places like The Bay, New York, and Paris. I am reminded that moving abroad was no easy feat, yet I make it look like a cakewalk. I am remined that I was, and remain, THAT GIRL.
Paris Chic Code started as an Expat Consulting business and has since expanded into the travel planning and personal shopping realm. Those of you interested in moving to Paris can book a consultation with me at www.parischiccode.com. Those interested in help with planning your trip to Paris, I can help you here. Chic Code girlies interested in personal shopping services can book with me here.